Sunday, September 28, 2008

Why I Must Reject "The Certified Honest Blogger" Award

I've been nominated for another award: "The Certified Honest Blogger" award! Like most good things on the web and bad things on shower curtains, this award has already gone viral.

First the right standing, left walking bloggerist
"Metro Stalker Man" tagged me with the nomination. Shortly thereafter organic soil conditioning blogger Katherine from "Who Invented Horses?" nominated me for my myth eCrushing series "Madras: The New Black. " Sensing a Herb Bandwagon, Pete of "I Like Pimentos", Tammie of "TamarasView", Mandii from "Robots Ate My Grandmother", Tiph'annee of "LivitLuvit" and Arianna of the "Huffington" Post all gave me a hat tip for the coveted nomination.

If you accept this prize you must:

1 -Write a post about the award, together with the name of who nominated you, link them back and make posts in their name at and
2 - Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in their content, design or their frequency of posting comments on your own brilliant blog
3 - Show their names and links and leave them a comment informing they have been nominated for the "Certified Honest Blogger" award
4 - Show a picture of those who nominated you (optional)

I have searched my conscience and my heart and find that, sadly, I cannot accept this nomination.

Why? It is the name--"Certified Honest Blogger." I am not an honest blogger. My blog is a complete and total fake. Herb? I could only dream that I had a name so cool. DC? More like Dogtown, Indiana.

Like William Donahue, I'm just a lonely guy with a computer on dial-up.

I have been known to string together words to fool Google search like "Martha Stewart's homemade peanut butter recipe is for elephants, gourmet porn" just so I can trap Google searches to my blog for people (men) looking for "Martha Stewart elephant porn." Should this type of childish and despicable behavior be rewarded?

My commentators? I am ashamed to admit I post fake comments all the time. In fact I have created entire blogs with years of fake postings just to link back when commenting on my own posts.

My most famous post for DCist, the poignant "Adrian Fenty, Michelle Rhee, Dan Snyder and I in the Naked Cab Ride of Death from Petworth to Ben's Chili Bowl on Xmas Eve" was totally the product of vodka, Xanax and repressed sexuality. My Wonkette hit "Is That a Weapon of Mass Destruction in Your Pants Mr. Rumsfeld or Are You Just Glad to See Me?" I stole from here.

I am sure you recall my inexplicable string of featured articles at "DC Blogs Noted"? Four words: Tijuana. Donkey. Show. Videos.

So there you go kids. Thank you for thinking of me but I cannot accept the nomination for the "Certified Honest Blogger" Award. Please give it to someone a little more honest and deserving. I would suggest someone on my blogroll ("Blogs I Stalk") but all of those linked here (except for one) are really me also. I'm pathetic but prolific.


Orenthal James said...

I find your honesty and candor refreshing.

Anonymous said...

I love your blog and read it every day even when it is the same post from yesterday!

Herb of DC said...

I think you are hot!

Herb of DC said...

Oh wait. Wrong blog.

Metro Man said...


Bob said...

Whew! Glad the cat's outta the bag... keeping your secret has been difficult! LOL

lacochran said...

I love my blog--er, I mean your blog. YOUR blog. You're totally real, Harv.