Thursday, October 30, 2008

Herb Sr Explains the Five Facts of Life!


Many years ago, on my last night at my parents house before I moved to Kentucky to make it big in the World of Banking, Herb Sr sat me down to explain the Five Facts of Life to me.


No, not these Five Facts of Life...
























Or these…


















“Son,” he said, “Here are the Five Facts of Life you need to follow to guarantee success in the working world.”

1. Be the first to arrive
2. Be the last to leave
3. Always keep you shoes shined
4. Remember to put the toilet seat down
5. And never do drag at Halloween because you would totally look like Eleanor Roosevelt.

And he was right! Have a fun and safe Halloween!








A Quiet October Evening at Home!

My financial adviser dropped by to check my 401k investments.

























My financial adviser is also a highly respected foodie renowned for her Venezuelan fusion cuisine.

























Before using kitchen appliances from New Zealand, one must always check for cat pee.

























Bath time!



Wednesday, October 29, 2008

When Descriptions Go Very Wrong!

It was late in the day and I was trying to describe an ex co-worker to my boss. The former employee was a big bearded guy who looked like... well I was thinking of this guy:







Grizzly Adams, you know that bearish guy who lived in the woods and was all rural and crunchy in the 70s TV show "The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams."

But I couldn't think of the actor's name or the name of the show.
The name that came to mind was this guy:







Greg Evigan of the 70s simian truck drivin' TV show "B.J. and the Bear" but I knew that was wrong.

Instead, I just decided to describe the TV show:


Herb of DC: You know that TV show, "B.J. in the Woods."


Female Herb of DC Boss: I don't think I get that cable channel.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

What If It Was Herb of DC's Vote that Lost the Election?

A video starring me!

This is probably last month's viral email but it is pretty funny and you have to admire their use of technology!


Don't forget to vote! Customize this to send to your friends!

(I'm discovering this doesn't always display correctly with Internet Explorer--try Firefox!!!)



Update 11/01/08:

Dear CNNBC viewer,

Wow. Thanks to people like you, this nonvoter video has now been sent to over 11 million friends. It's going out to more than 30 new people per second.
Research shows that this kind of social "nudging" is extremely effective. So we're aiming to reach 15 million people before Election Day—only a few days away.
Can you help by sending this video to a few more friends today?

http://www.cnnbcvideo.com/taf.html

Studies show that by far the best way to get people out to vote is to convince them that (a) everyone else is voting, and (b) everyone will know if they don't vote. This video does both—with a smile (or smirk, in some cases).
It takes just seconds to send, and it could be the thing that actually pushes a friend of yours to the polls.

Click here to send more personalized videos to your friends:

http://www.cnnbcvideo.com/taf.html

Thanks for all you do.
–The CNNBC team

Monday, October 27, 2008

Political Pumpkins!

Some cool political pumpkins from the Yes We Carve website:



















































I'm looking for the equivalent site for John McCain and haven't found it yet but here's a couple of maverick pumpkins.














Download patterns and take the Presidential Pumpkin Poll here.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Gourmet Magazine Recipes or Slasher Films?
















In doing some research for a future pumpkin related post I couldn't help but notice that there are some Gourmet Magazine recipes that could also be scenes in slasher films:

Braised Fingerling Potato Coins
Chicken Fried Ribs
Grandma Reggies Chopped Liver
Soft Lady Fingers
Southeast Asian Squash
Aussie Burger
Layered Melon and Smoked Sable with Ginger Emulsion

And speaking of Ginger Grant, how about a little Honeybee action this morning with "You Need Us" from "Gilligan's Island?"

I am pretty sure I recall my sister and me doing this dance.



Traffic is down so it pains me to add the following to this post for Google search:

Naked Ginger Grant porn, Nude Tina Louise Porn, Nasty Mary Ann Porn, Dawn Wells' Coconut Cream Pie, Mrs. Howell's Soft Lady Fingers porn.

Faux Halloween Headlines for 2008!

From Sunday's Stanley Kaplan Washington Post

" 'It Was Like the Running of the Moose': Chaos Breaks Out Over Sarah Palin Wigs, Glasses"

"Eco-Friendly, Carbon-Neutral, Fructose-Free Organic Treats the Whole Family Can Enjoy! Or Pretend To!"

"Parents Find Deadly 401(k) Statements Hidden Inside Chocolate Bars. 'Gavin Just Looked at It and Got Sick,' Says Horrified Mom"

"Slutty Cheerleader Costumes Now Made for Infants, Toddlers"

"Turn Your Foreclosed House Into a Haunted One in 7 Easy Steps"

"4-Year-Old Expelled for Wielding Foam Samurai Sword. 'I Don't See Why a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Can't Carry a Safety Whistle Instead,' Principal Says"

"Tina Fey Going as Joe Biden for Halloween"

Friday, October 24, 2008

"When You're in the Voting Booth, Think of George Bush"

On Thursday's special edition of SNL, George W. Bush endorses Sarah Palin and John McCain. Tina Fey is brilliant as usual.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

14th and U Farmers Market Sexy Secrets!

Despite my supposed slavish devotion to farmers markets, I haven't done a local agriculture post in weeks! Each Saturday at 9:00 am I am at the 14th and U Farmers market where I pick up veggies, fruit, bread, phone numbers and other miscellaneous items. This week I was accompanied by Herb of DC Photography Intern Sasha Fierce to explore the sexy secrets of this market.

Here's the first secret: often the pumpkins are half price during the last hour. Buy one for carvin', one for lovin', and one for eatin'.



























In ancient Rome chestnuts were once known as "Tree Oysters" and were thought to have male aphrodisiac effects. Buy the full crate! I don't judge, I just observe!



















It is no secret that the cabbage is the least sexy vegetable. What do cole slaw, sauerkraut, kimchi, borscht, dolma, holishkes and "bubble and squeak" have in common? Right, cabbage! And flatulence!


I bought 3 heads.


















Oh look, it's Dave the auditor!





















That nice Mrs. Peaches from Kuhn orchards always has some great recipes to be picked up along with the best fruit ever!

Apples are in full season and I got some sexy "Northern Spy" apples for a gingerbread cobbler.



















Kuhn's Orchards Apple Gingerbread Cobbler

4 medium apples, sliced
1/2 cup firmly packed brown sugar
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
1 cup plus 3 tablespoons water
2 tablespoons cornstarch

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.Cook apples, sugar, lemon juice, cinnamon and 1 cup of water until apples are almost tender.

Combine 3 tablespoons water with cornstarch, stirring until all lumps are removed. Stir into apples and cook until thickened. Pour into an 8-inch baking dish. Add topping. Bake 35 minutes.

Topping
1/2 cup buttermilk
1/4 cup molasses
2 tablespoons oil
1 egg
3/4 cup granulated sugar
1 cup flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon ginger
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg

Beat together the milk, molasses, oil, egg and sugar. Measure remaining ingredients into sifter and sift into egg mixture. Stir only until combined and pour over apple mixture.

The sexy secret? Molasses. Say it slowly Mooool aaases!
14th and U Farmers Market
Saturdays 9:00 am to 1:00 pm

This week at the market (from the 14th and U weekly email fro
m Robin Shuster)

Dear 14&U Fans


We have a new producer: Hareg Messert of Chez Hareg Pastries will be bringing her classic French cookies, biscotti, pannetoni, pound cakes-- and in the future, her cakes and pies! Hareg grew up in Ethiopia and trained in French speaking Senegal before she became a pastry chef at the Ritz Carlton in DC..... so she has both Italian and French traditions! Plus she makes Vegan cookies as well. She has a charming bakery-cafe on 9th Street called Chez Hareg which has been written up in the Washingtonian several times. Lots of FREE SAMPLES.


Don't let rain keep you away from the market or from meeting our newest producer! ;-) Bring your umbrellas, stay under the tents and you will be dry and happy. The tents are filled with great produce, salads, greens, pastured meats, fruits, breads, flowers, sweets, cheeses, honey, ciders and.... Halloween pumpkins. Garner still has summer produce -- yea for those Northern Neck farms-

News:

Beef at Truck Patch
Brussels Sprouts and Romanesco cauiliflower-broccoli at Truck Patch
Collards and LOTS of Peppers at Garner
Scallions at Mountain View
Fall flavors at Dolcezza
Classic French cookies, Italian biscotti, pannetoni and pound cake at Chez Hareg.
Vegan cookies at Chez Hareg
PLUS ALL THOSE HALLOWEEN PUMPKINS.....
Faucher Flower's last week for the season.

Mountain View: Always Pesticide -free Salad greens, bok choi, Chinese Cabbage, Red and Green tomatoes (think fried green tomatoes!), kale, Swiss Chard, Turnips, Beets, arugula, sweet potatoes, potatoes, scallions, mustard greens and eggs!


Truck Patch now has BEEF: steaks, ground, roasts, chuck, brisket, hamburger patties, flank, Grass -fed and finished on their own choice of grass or grain Brussels sprouts, romanesco cauliflower, cabbage, arugula, kale, spinach, mesclun, radishes, tomatoes, last of the vine picked heirlooms, a few peppers, red and white potatoes, broccoli, savoy and green cabbage (yes, you can buy just a half!) and that weird cone-shaped Romaneco cauliflower-broccoli. Looks like an Arcimboldo painting of people made of vegetable faces. Very flavorful. (Scientist have been fighting over whether it is a broccoli or a cauliflower.) Plus their pastured pork of all cuts and sausages and bacon.


Dolcezza: MORE THAN JUST A SUMMER DESSERT Some of their sorbets are savory....and many people use them as appetizers or serve them between courses. The Lemon Opal Basil is a perfect palate cleanser! Last week I fell in love with both the Pear and the Pumpkin Cinnamon flavors. The first is just like biting into a perfectly ripe bartlett and the second was a slice of a rich pumpkin pie. (With the added benefit that it has MUCH less fat and many fewer calories).


Keswick: Their 100% Jersey cow milk makes delicious yogurt, chocolate pudding and both aged raw milk and fresh pasteurized cheeses. Cheddars, vermeers and other aged raw milk cheeses. Lots of feta, quark, ricotta, too. Try some of Keswick blue cheese with a hamburger or steak! My favorite yogurt. Blue cheese and pear, apples and cheddar are cheese and fruit marriages!


Kuhn: Honeycrisp, mutsu, gala, empire, jonathan, elstar, cortland, jonagold, northern spy, and other apples along with tomatoes, lots of winter squash (Please please please try the Italian butternut!) , pumpkins of all sizes, shapes and colors, honey, chestnuts, onions, sweet peppers ,a few red raspberries, asian pears and bartletts. Cider made from elstar, jonamac, honeycrisp, gala.


McCleaf: Their cider is excellent for drinking cold or hot with mulling spices for our ( cooler evenings or cooking. Apples, UV filtered and Pasteurized cider, kale, squash, okra, tomatoes, peppers.

Mountain View: Always Pesticide -free Salad greens, bok choi, Chinese Cabbage, Red and Green tomatoes (think fried green tomatoes!), kale, Swiss Chard, Turnips, Beets, arugula, sweet potatoes, potatoes, scallions, mustard greens and eggs!


Truck Patch now has BEEF: steaks, ground, roasts, chuck, brisket, hamburger patties, flank, Grass -fed and finished on their own choice of grass or grain Brussels sprouts, romanesco cauliflower, cabbage, arugula, kale, spinach, mesclun, radishes, tomatoes, last of the vine picked heirlooms, a few peppers, red and white potatoes, broccoli, savoy and green cabbage (yes, you can buy just a half!) and that weird cone-shaped Romaneco cauliflower-broccoli. Looks like an Arcimboldo painting of people made of vegetable faces. Very flavorful. (Scientist have been fighting over whether it is a broccoli or a cauliflower.) Plus their pastured pork of all cuts and sausages and bacon.


Dolcezza: MORE THAN JUST A SUMMER DESSERT Some of their sorbets are savory....and many people use them as appetizers or serve them between courses. The Lemon Opal Basil is a perfect palate cleanser! Last week I fell in love with both the Pear and the Pumpkin Cinnamon flavors. The first is just like biting into a perfectly ripe bartlett and the second was a slice of a rich pumpkin pie. (With the added benefit that it has MUCH less fat and many fewer calories).


Keswick: Their 100% Jersey cow milk makes delicious yogurt, chocolate pudding and both aged raw milk and fresh pasteurized cheeses. Cheddars, vermeers and other aged raw milk cheeses. Lots of feta, quark, ricotta, too. Try some of Keswick blue cheese with a hamburger or steak! My favorite yogurt. Blue cheese and pear, apples and cheddar are cheese and fruit marriages!


Kuhn: Honeycrisp, mutsu, gala, empire, jonathan, elstar, cortland, jonagold, northern spy, and other apples along with tomatoes, lots of winter squash (Please please please try the Italian butternut!) , pumpkins of all sizes, shapes and colors, honey, chestnuts, onions, sweet peppers ,a few red raspberries, asian pears and bartletts. Cider made from elstar, jonamac, honeycrisp, gala.


McCleaf: Their cider is excellent for drinking cold or hot with mulling spices for our ( cooler evenings or cooking. Apples, UV filtered and Pasteurized cider, kale, squash, okra, tomatoes, peppers.

Garner: COLLARDS! And purple and yellow peppers as well. . Plus beets, spinach, arugula, mustard greens, turnip greens, leaf lettuce, Swiss Chard, baby turnips, lots of winter squash ( acorn, butternut, spaghetti, carnival, pretty green kabocha, red kuri. Neck pumpkins look like an elongated butternut squash but they sure taste like pumpkins and make great pies. Eggplants, summer squash, green and yellow beans, potatoes, eggplant, sweet potatoes....AND LOTS OF PUMPKINS FOR YOUR HALLOWEEN PARTIES!


Faucher Flowers: Elaine's last week with us this season because all her flowers are field grown. Look for those spectacular Dahlias, Mexican Sage, Eucalyptus.


Breadline: Baguettes, cookies, croissants, multi grain and whole grain breads, muffins, scones, sour doughs,fig bars.




See you Saturday --RAIN OR SHINE.


Robin and Luke

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

"Is There Anyone on This Ship Who Even Remotely Looks Like Satan?"


Recently someone at the Big Humanitarian Non-Profit has been calling me "Dave." After correcting him a couple of times I asked him who my twin was.

"Dave the Auditor" he replied.

I know Dave the Auditor. Dave the Auditor is an acquaintance of mine and I am no Dave the Auditor.

Maybe at some point we lose the ability to see ourselves accurately. I still see myself as:











The reality is probably more like this:




















But Dave the auditor?


Sunday, October 19, 2008

You Too Can Be "Joe the Plumber" in 15 Minutes or Less!
























Let's face it, Wall Street Bankers and Washington Bureaucrats are so last month and plumbers are in right now! Who cares about your mastery of arcane financial derivatives? How are your plumbing skills? Are you tired of paying outrageous hourly rates to rich plumbers for what should be a simple fix? Follow these directions and you can fix a leaky faucet, stabilize the financial markets and become the "Joe the Plumber" of your block in 15 minutes or less!

First put on your plumber's coveralls. Coveralls prevent an outbreak of the dreaded plumber's crack when bending under the sink and guards against showing your bear market when running from the elite liberal media.

























Next turn off the water beneath the sink. Don't know which way to turn the shut off valve? Remember the phrase "Righty Tighty and Lefty Loosey!" You will want to make a turn to the right here to stop the irrational exuberance.


















As Herb Sr would say, don't start the job until you have the right tools! This is a plunger and although it would be helpful to unclog the credit crisis that is paralyzing markets it is the wrong tool for fixing a leak. You need a flat head screwdriver and perhaps a Phillips head screwdriver!

























Possum the cat is not a Phillips head screwdriver or a Mortgage Backed Derivative. Henry F. Phillips (1890 – 1958), a U.S. businessman from Portland, Oregon, first patented the Phillips head screw and screwdriver. Mr Phillips was the first to say "It is your patriotic duty to pay taxes." Later he lost his patent proving that you can faithfully pay taxes for years yet still get screwed.


























This is not a flat head screwdriver either (it is Lizzie who is technically a dog). Dogs are great as plumbers assistants especially if you need to test the potability of the water in a toilet bowl.

It is an unfortunate Urban Legend that the flat head screwdriver is named for American choreographer Erie Flatt.
























When you finally find the correct screwdrivers, you are ready to go where no man on your block has gone before!
























Pop off the top of the handle with your flat head screwdriver. Drill, baby drill! Loosen the screw inside with a "Lefty Loosey" until you can remove it.


























Now pry off the handle.
Replace the washer with a new one you purchased at Home Depot or Lowes. What you haven't done that yet? You might want to add an hour (or four) to your 15 minutes. Actually washers come in packages of 10 so if you carefully slide one out and kept your receipt...

Put the handle back on and tighten the screw with some "Righty Tighty" action. Be careful! If you tighten to the right too much you could raise interest rates and stifle growth. Too little tightening can set interest rates too low and encourage inflation. Feeling the pressure?

Put the top of the handle back on.



























You are almost done! Go back under the sink and do some major "Lefty Loosey" to turn the water back on and be prepared for a sudden bailout. However, if you followed these steps your leak should be fixed and you will have your "Joe the Plumber" cred! CNN will have your number on speed dial, crowds will chant your name and your opinions will be sought on Collateralized Debt Obligations!

Enjoy your 15 minutes!


























Photography by JessiCub

Sarah Palin (the Real One) on SNL

The Alaska governor appears on SNL for some in-person mocking. Tina Fey does Palin; Palin apparently channels Jane Curtain.

Opening







Weekend Update


Saturday, October 18, 2008

Tags, Shoes and Sleeping with Dogs

















I've been tagged. Ugh, thanks
lacochran's bloggery! Really!

RULES

1. Link to your tagger and list these rules on your blog.
2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.
3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blog.
4. Let them know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

7 FACTS/True Confessions:

1. I can't tie shoe laces

When Herb Sr and Pug tried to teach me to tie my shoes for some reason I couldn't grasp the conventional method. Instead I learned some "special" method reserved for "special" children.

It goes something like this:

1. Make two bunny whiskers and cross them
2. Make two bunny ears and cross them
3. Poke the bunny's eyes out and set on fire along with your sister's Barbie.

Okay maybe step 3 happened in High School but even today I can't really tie my shoes correctly. My left shoe especially comes untied using this method.


2. I once was a very successful women's shoe salesman (review #1 above)

If I was asked to assist someone with putting on her shoes I would snap "We sell fashion, not fit."

Intimidation works really well at the higher end of the lady shoes biz. I made a LOT of money!

3. I hate to touch the feet of other people (review # 2 above)

4. I'm not sure what color my eyes are

Indecision reigns when filling out that form for my drivers license. My eyes have flecks of blue, green, brown, gray and hazel (is hazel really a color? Who wants eyes named after a maid?)

Once when I was just starting my career in banking my secretary Sandy said something about my blue eyes. When I told her they weren't really blue she leaned in and looked very closely.

"You're right" she said. "I see blue, green, brown and gray. But it matches your hair."

Bless her heart.


5. I have a fancy French last name

Yet after 200 years plus in the backwoods of Kentucky I have relatives with real or nick names of Moots, Pug, Ethelwyn, Babe, Elwanda, Byrd, Henderson, DeVera and Dub.

My last name is also the name of one of the better restaurants in Karachi, Pakistan.

6. I sleep with two dogs and a cat

not well though

7. I haven't had a date in a couple of years (review #1, 2,3,4, 5 and 6 above)

I'm tagging: Oedipus Hemlich, Oat Bran for Breakfast, And Sentence Fragments, Gizzards Are Good and Chewy, Feeling Stabby DC, Sing Like a Salt Lick, It's Awful Nice It's Paradise.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

I'm Having a Bad Week and Thanks for Elbowing Me on the Metro, Lady!
























I'm really having a bad week! I don't feel well, I am behind at work and I feel like I am a scarecrow surrounded by some really mean Bic Lighter carrying crows.

Wednesday I heard three things you never want to hear:

1. The roofing contractor after inspecting my roof: "You will probably want to get several bids for this."

2. My boss: "I'm going to set up some time next week to discuss your new career goals."

3. A co-worker yelled to me across the Big Humanitarian Non-Profit Cafeteria: "I love your blog!"

Today as I was dragging myself to work, I was riding the escalator down at the Green Line U Street stop. I knew there was a train in the station but I was in no hurry. I was all about the mellow.

I stand right.

I heard behind me the click, click, click of non-running shoes running.

"Excuse me, excuse me," she shouted.

I'm still standing right.

More click, click, click of the non-running shoes.

"Excuse me, excuuuuuuse me" and wham, I get an elbow in my left side. Hard!

Geez lady, it's stand to the right not press yourself like Flat Stanley against the escalator rail to make way for a crazed woman running for the train like it is the last helicopter out of Saigon!

She made it aboard and I did not. However, I stood at the door and gave her a really dirty look. I guess I should have given her the finger but I am from Indiana and we don't do that unless you are elbowed by a woman wearing a University of Kentucky sweatshirt.

Admittedly, my dirty look is not that threatening. If anything she thought a man having severe gastrointestinal problems was trying to make eye contact in a pathetic attempt to borrow some Pepto Bismol.

So anyway, brunette woman in the brown blouse with the Sarah Palinesque updo who elbowed me at about 8:05 am at the U Street Green Line station--you really need to relax. Calm the frack down!

Why don't you try, I don't know, maybe some aromatherapy to relax?

Here ya go courtesy of the National Arboretum and me!

Take a deep breath!

Click, click, click!


President Sarah Palin's Oval Office

I don't think this link is in conflict with my call for both sides to tone it down; there are items here to entertain both camps! As far as I am concerned if there is oil on the South Lawn then drill baby, drill!

Roll your mouse around and/or click. You can spend hours at work playing with this (not that I did).

Palin as President

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Be back Soon!


















I'm still recovering from my traumatic trip to the
National Arboretum where even the plants seemed angry.

I will be back soon but in the meantime enjoy some nice dancing pumpkins!


Thursday, October 9, 2008

Herb to Presidential Boo Birds: “Stop Now Before You Get Your Mouths Washed Out with Soap!”















What’s up with all the angry booing and name calling at the mention of the opposition during speeches and rallies for the 2008 Elections? Have you ever looked at your face in the mirror while you boo? As the “Sage of Central Florida” Herb Sr would say, “How would you like it if your face froze like that?“


I guess my aversion to booing goes back to high school in Southern Indiana. We were not allowed to boo. Nice people didn’t boo; it wasn’t very sportsmanlike. Schools that allowed booing were probably schools where students cheated on their SATS, drove over the speed limit, took French classes and smoked in the cafeteria. Boo friendly schools most likely did not host large chapters of the Future Farmers of America, have marching bands the size of Argentina or take coveted Senior Class trips to “Six Flags Over St Louis.”

If booing did break out say, during a football game, and if it did it would have to be for a serious infraction like arch rival Central whipping out an actual shotgun as part of the shotgun offense or the ankle bracelet wearing Mater Dei cheerleaders racing around the field perched on the back of a John Deere tractor and it was NOT Homecoming, the booing would quickly be squelched by one stern look from Mr. Kukendall or Mr. Henry. You especially feared Mr. Henry since this would be followed up with lengthy close range lecture during your Driver’s Ed practice and pray to God it wasn’t the session following the cafeteria lunch during “Salute to Sauerkraut” week.

When I was in college at Indiana University, booing was allowed within moderation but name calling was prohibited. In one famous incident, basketball coach Bobby Knight grabbed a microphone, stopped the game and berated us students for cursing. Although his own behavior and language was sometimes suspect he was the adult in the room so we accepted the admonition and obeyed.

So where are the adults in the room at these rallies? Why are the candidates allowing this booing, braying and shameful name calling? What are we going to do with all this anger and hate after November 4 that the candidates and their surrogates have stirred up?

Most importantly, what if your face DID freeze like that?









I admit I’ve made a few modest jokes about the campaign and especially enjoyed some fun at the expense of a certain VP candidate. But I don’t hate anyone, wish them ill will, hint at bogus terrorist ties, lie about their positions, call anyone a b*tch, hope they get cancer, die in a plane crash, pray to my God that my opposition does poorly in a debate or attempt to frighten people by the use of a middle name we were unfamiliar with many years ago in Indiana.


So what do we need to do to get some adults in the room? Since Coach Knight and Mr. Henry can’t be there at every rally, maybe the four at the top of the tickets would be a good place to start?

Let this be your warning McCain, Obama, Palin and Biden! If I don’t see immediate improvement in behavior at your rallies, I may have to pull Herb Sr out of retirement. He has plenty of soap, is a retired school principal and isn’t afraid to wash out a few mouths in the name of patriotism, unity, and good sportsmanship.

YouTube Musical Governors Thursday with Bonus DVD: "Buns of Leadership"!

First the Governors of the Federal Reserve sing a tribute to my dessicated Retirement Savings:




Next, the 1984 Beauty Pageant musical stylings of Sarah Palin are available in a 10 CD set (also includes bonus DVD "Buns of Leadership"):





Palin Hat tip: Joe.My.God

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

The eBay 2008 Presidential Election Predictions!

Based upon the number and total dollar amount of bids on eBay for Halloween masks of the candidates, it looks like we might be in for a surprise in November!


Joe Biden Mask
4 bids $3.99






John McCain Mask

2 bids $9.99






Barack Obama Mask

2 bids $10.50






Sarah Palin Mask

14 bids $75.00






and surprisingly, still popular after all these years...

Monica Lewinsky Mask
9 bids $15.79






Looks like a surprise bipartisan ticket of Palin-Lewinsky would totally blow the opposition away!

Monday, October 6, 2008

I've Moved my 401K !
















I've moved my 401K to the pumpkin in my living room window. There's so little left it fits nicely in my Fairy Tale Pumpkin purchased at the 14th and U Farmer's Market.


And if the market continues to go down I will make a pie.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

SNL VP Debate Biden/Palin and The Real Maverick

Maverick Maverick Maverick Maverick Maverick Maverick Maverick Maverick Maverick Maverick Maverick Maverick Maverick Maverick Maverick Maverick Maverick Maverick Maverick Maverick Maverick Maverick Maverick Maverick Maverick Maverick Maverick Maverick Maverick ...

Here's the real Maverick...




Welcome DC Blogs! Check out last weeks Salute to Bobbie Gentry, "Ode to Billie Joe" and the S&S rule.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Some Bobbie Gentry Love with The "Ode to Billie Joe"




The "Salute to Bobbie Gentry Week" continues but since it is Saturday, I guess it is already over and oh yeah, I never told anyone it was our local favorite Bobbie Gentry's week to begin with. So sue me-- I was busy! It's not like you needed advance warning in order to send out "Salute to Bobbie Gentry Week" greeting cards.

You should have known it was "Salute to Bobbie Gentry Week" by my post on Wednesday referring to her 1968 hit "Harper Valley PTA" which for some unknown reason she recorded under the name "Jeannie C. Riley."

So what was the suicidal Billie Joe and the narrator throwing off the Tallahatchie Bridge in the "Ode to Billie Joe?" I recall endless debates over this at the time in rural Indiana on our shared party line with most thinking it was her prom corsage or perhaps, "Jeannie C. Riley."

We once eavesdropped on party line fave Rhonda Pemberton (two rings!) and heard her speculate that it might have been the narrator's baby but we discounted this because it was clear in the song she wasn't married.

Remember I grew up in rural Southwestern Indiana and there was no premarital sex at the time. There was a plethora of premature babies born 4-7 months after the wedding that were fully developed, weighed around 8 pounds and in some cases, had the only full set of teeth in the family but we attributed that to the bracing Hoosier air, year round availability of fresh dairy and corn products and locally bottled RC Cola. Officially there was no premarital sex in the State of Indiana until it was introduced in 1984 with the arrival of the former Baltimore Colts.

By the way Rhonda "Colts" Pemberton wore an ankle bracelet so you know what kind of girl she was anyway. She smoked too. Guys: Who remembers the "S and S rule" from college?

Roberta Lee Streeter (July 27, 1944, Baltimore, MD), professionally known as Bobbie Gentry, was one of the first female country artists to write and produce her own material. She drew on her Charm City roots to compose musical vignettes of Southern Gothic United States.

Streeter married musician Bill Desire in Reno, Nevada in 1962 but the marriage lasted only briefly and was the impetus for her to change her name to "Bobbie Gentry" to avoid being known as the Streeter named Desire. In 1979, Gentry married singer-songwriter Jim "Spiders and Snakes" Stafford. Their marriage lasted 11 months. Bobbie Gentry recorded and was friends with Glen "Mac Davis" Campbell but she never saw his Phoenix rising or his lineman.

In 1967, Gentry produced the bluesy single, "Ode to Billie Joe", detailing the suicide of Billie Joe McAllister, who flings himself off the Tallahatchie Bridge. The record topped the Billboard Hot 100 for sixteen weeks in 1967 and placed #4 in the year-end chart. Rolling Stone listed it among the 50 Greatest Songs of All Time in 2001.

The LP replaced Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band at the top of U.S. charts. Bobbie Gentry won three Grammy Awards in 1967, including Best New Artist and Best Female Pop Vocal Performance.

In 1976, Max "Don't Call Me Jethro" Baer, Jr directed a feature film based on "Ode to Billie Joe" called "Ode to Billy Joe", starring Robby Benson and Glynnie O'Connor. In the movie, the mystery of the title character's suicide is revealed as a part of the conflict between his love for Bobbie "Narrator" Hartley, his emerging "homosexuality" and that whole weird Billie vs Billy thing.

In 1967 we never dreamed that there was a "homosexual" twist to the song. There were no "homosexuals" in the State of Indiana until they were introduced in 1984 with the arrival of the former Baltimore Colts.

Bobbie Gentry's re-recording of the song for the film hit the pop charts, as did Capitol's reissue of the original recording; both peaked outside the top fifty.

After a 1978 single for Warner Bros. Records, "He Did Me Wrong, But He Did It Right", failed to chart, Bobbie Gentry decided to retire from show business. Her last public appearance as a performer was on Christmas Night 1978 as a guest on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. After that, she retired from the business and lives quietly today in California. California is not the current home of the former Baltimore Colts.

Friday, October 3, 2008

AHA! The Palin Thought Process!

I am seeing this popping up around the web but apparently it originated here.

Well played, Adennak!!

(Click to enlarge, but you know that, don't you?)


Thursday, October 2, 2008

Does This Muffin Make My A** Look Big or My Lifetime in Corn?























A
s any regular reader of my blog knows, I tend to recycle corny jokes, not to mention blog posts, “comments”, relationships and for that matter, corn. If something was funny ten years ago it is still funny today, right? Who doesn’t still love a good Monica Lewinsky joke?

In my rare interpersonal reactions with people, I have the same corny Pavlovian one liner response in certain situations. For instance if you say, “I have a bad cold” and it is wintertime, I will automatically say “I told you not to go skinny dipping during [insert cold winter month’s name here]". Yes I have been slaying them with that one since 1984! I come by this lifetime of corn naturally and not just from growing up in the Hoosier State—for as long as I remember every time HerbSr of Kentucky/Florida hears the name Pierre he asks “The dehydrated Frenchman?”

Oh the years of laughter we have had over that one!

Broke your foot or ankle? Yep, I’m the one who will say “I told you to give up bungee jumping.”

How can you even read this through your tears of laughter?

"Herb, are you working hard?"

Okay, all together:

"No, I am hardly working."

HA! Reading this blog is like reading Shaw (George, not the neighborhood, although maybe a little of the Metro stop) isn't it?

So today I was standing in the cashier line at the cafeteria of the Big Humanitarian Non-Profit waiting to pay for my food, and someone behind me said rather loudly, “Hey there!” Turning around I was surprised to find an Important Female VP who for as far as I knew, did not know me from Adam. Or my rib. (NOTE: I need to add that one to my repertoire). I looked down and noticed she was only purchasing a corn muffin (MORE CORN!) and a Vitamin Water. Here is the conversation as I best recall it.

Herb of DC: That’s not much of a lunch!

Important Female VP: I was sick last night so I just wanted to get a little something in my stomach.

Herb of DC: That’s a good idea. You want to ease back into it.

Important Female VP: My daughter and I both got food poisoning from dinner at a friend’s house.

WARNING: HERE COMES THE "JOKE" I ALWAYS MAKE WHEN SOMEONE HAS FOOD POISONING

Herb of DC: Really, hey there are much easier ways to lose weight.

Important Female VP (startled): What? (Translation: “Are you calling me fat?”)

Herb of DC (back peddling as fast as he can): Not that I think you need to lose weight. Or your daughter needs to.

This did not end well.

So what should I have done?

A. Grandly told the cashier “And the little lady’s lunch is also on me.”
B. Asked if the cafeteria had any spoiled mayonnaise since “bathing suit season is only six months away.”
C. Be supportive and point out that Delta Burke also likes Vitamin Water
D.
Yelled “I can see Russia from my house!”
E. Any others?

What would you have said?

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

The Day My Mama Socked It to the Harper Valley P.T.A.

This has been my ear worm all day. No reason, really.