Monday, December 21, 2009

Snow People Who Look Like America Are Mocking Me!

It appears that DC Snow People resemble more and more the 64% of Americans who are overweight. Maybe I am just being overly sensitive due to the 7 pounds I have already picked up this Holiday season but I feel as though these Snow People are mocking me.

This portly man with a carrot nose at 13th and T NW reminds me that vegetables are not just for body parts.

This snow person at 14th and V NW is bedecked with orange slices and olives--you know that stuff that just takes up space in your drink.

This is what happens to lazy Snow Children (14th and V NW) who spend too much time reading blogs.

Eventually those "fun" Hawaiian shirts have to come off revealing the extra high cankles. (14th St NW)

Next: Does Santa really see you when you are sleeping? Isn't that kinda pervy?

Sue Ann Nivens "The Happy Homemaker" on Snow

"Isn't it simply beautiful out there? I mean snow always inspires such awe in me! Just consider one single snow flake alone, so delicate, so fragile so ethereal and yet let a billion of them come together through the majestic force of nature they can screw up a whole city." (Sue Ann Nivens the Happy Homemaker on "The Mary Tyler Moore Show.")

Okay, snow we've had enough fun for now--will you please go away? Some of us have only have about 24 hours left to start Christmas shopping before we leave for Indytucky.

Friday, December 18, 2009


OMG 8-12" OF SNOW IS COMING TO DC!!! Begin emptying the grocery stores of milk, bread, and toilet paper NOW! Keep your TV constantly tuned to NBC 4 NOW! Ransack Blockbuster Video NOW! Immediately abandon your cars for the best spots on Beltway ramps NOW!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The Ten Most Depressing Christmas Songs

From Buzzfeed The 10 Most Depressing Christmas Songs

Christmas Time Is Here

Pass out the kiddie Zoloft

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

Hide the good liquor and the "dolls"

That Was The Worst Christmas Ever

The title says it all

Last Christmas

If only

Hard Candy Christmas

Needs more Dolly

Blue Christmas

Unfortunately I only "hear" Herb Sr imitating Elvis singing this. Technically child abuse.

The Christmas Shoes

Depressing and loathsome

Please Daddy (Don't Get Drunk this Christmas)

Admittedly the best Christmas song title ever

If We Make It Through December

Never heard of it but good luck.

Maybe I counted wrong--blame my depression!

Thursday, December 10, 2009

The YouTube Back Story--Holiday Edition

I often wonder what is truly going on when someone makes a video for YouTube.

On the surface this looks like a one-man Rockapella group singing "Santa Claus is Coming to Town."


Wife: I can't take another freakin' minute with these kids. I'm going Christmas shopping and you can watch Sponge Bob Squarepants over and over with them tonight.
Hubby: K
Wife: Feed them in the kitchen. I don't want to clean up a mess when I get home.
Hubby: K
Wife: And no beer!
Hubby: K
Wife: And no playing with the video camera!
Hubby: (Light Bulb!)

Monday, December 7, 2009

Begging for Verizon Service (I know...Pathetic!)

How pathetic---begging online for Verizon Long Distance service!

We are routing you to a chat representative. Thank you for contacting Verizon. Your average wait time is 1 seconds.

You are now chatting with 'Shane'

Shane: Hello. Thank you for visiting our Verizon chat service. How can I help you set up your new service and save with a Verizon bundle?

you: I signed up for your long distance in september yet I am still being charged by my previous vendor.

Shane: I will be happy to help you with that.

Shane: Your order might not have been placed properly at that point of time, I'd recommend you place your order again online and keep this chat window open so I can assure you that your order is completed and you will get long distance from Verizon

Shane: You can continue with your order. Let me know if you have any questions.

you: I need to know what happened. I am being charged still by my old vendor and don't want to pay them. I remeber getting an email from verizon to confirm that I wanted to change. what happened? what date?

Shane: As I said your order might not have been completed the last time, that's the reason you are still being charged by your current provider.

you: so what do we do? please process my spetember order

Shane: You will need to place your order again now online.

you: that is what I am trying to do. you can't take it?

Shane: What exactly does it say on the order page?

you: I want to add the e-values plan

Shane: Yes you can surely add the E-values plan. Select the plan and proceed further with your order and let me know if you have any questions.

Shane: I will be very happy to assist you with all your questions

you: its still updating my order

you: is this normal that it takes over 4 minutes. It is still "updating"

Shane: Please try refreshing your current page 2-3 times by pressing "F5" key on your keyboard.

you: 12/7/2009 5:53:18 PM Sorry, we are unable to continue your order at this time. Please try again later or contact your local Verizon business office for assistance.

Shane: It is just a web site error let me send you a fresh link to proceed further.

Shane: Please click here

Shane: Please select your phone plan and proceed further with your order process.

you: Please contact the Verizon local business office. 12/7/2009 5:58:02 PM Sorry, we are unable to continue your order at this time. Please try again later or contact your local Verizon business office for assistance. For Your Home Customer Service 1 800-VERIZON

Shane: I apologize for the error that you are facing on the web site, please try back after some time.

you: seems like I should stick with my previous carrier since it doesn't look like Verizon wants my business.

Shane: In that case I suggest that you place your order for your service using Internet Explorer 6.0 browser as Verizon website is not supported by Fire Fox browser.

you: thanks

Shane: Occasionally we do experience intermittent outages. Please try ordering on line again in a few hours.

Shane: I hope I have resolved your reason for contacting us today. Thank you for using Verizon's chat service. If you have any additional questions, please do not hesitate to contact us again.

Your chat session has been terminated by the Verizon chat representative.