So who is in a panic trying to find tickets to the Inauguration? If you are Oprah, Gayle, Grandma Biden, Katie Couric, teachers at the Chicago Lab School, Tina Fey, Amtrak conductors, Joy Behar, Bruce Springsteen, John Stewart or are from Scranton, don't worry, you are in. You may confidently purchase your ball attire. If you are a Kennedy, most likely you are in except for, well you know who you are.
Those who are going to a Ball to Nowhere: Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Joe the Plumber Country Singer, Aunt Zeituni, Bill Ayers, Scarlett Johansson, anyone Lieberman, Jeremiah Wright, Chuck Norris and the State of Alaska. Hope you kept those receipts!
So for the rest of you, how will you get tickets? How can you avoid being scammed or paying high prices for free tickets? I answer many of your emails below.
Dear Herb of DC:
Please send me tickets to the Inauguration Swearing-In ceremony. Could you also include a check refunding your Mother's and my contribution for your 4 years of college at that Prestigious Basketball University? I thought by now you would be a big-shot corporate executive not that I am not proud that you are a Systems Analyst III at the Big Humanitarian Non-Profit.
Thanks
Herb Sr (Retired)
P.S. Please have that check certified
Dear Herb Sr (Retired):
You have a much better chance than I do to obtain tickets! Put down your remote control, pick up your JitterBug phone and contact your Congressman or Senator in one of those Red States you live in and ask to be put on the list for one of the 250,000 free Swearing-In ceremony tickets. You must pick the tickets up in person the week before the inauguration.
There will also be space on the Mall that will not require tickets.
It's already too late to request tickets if you live in DC. Rep. Eleanor "Holmes Rule" Norton has said "Yes We Can't" and asked that people stop contacting her for tickets. Just STOP it people!
Whoops!
Looks like she forgot to tell the webmaster on her campaign site.
You should also know that no website or other ticket outlet actually has Inaugural Swearing-In tickets to sell, regardless of what they may claim.
"Any website or ticket broker claiming that they have inaugural tickets is simply not telling the truth," said Howard Gantman Staff Director for the Joint Congressional Committee on Inaugural Ceremonies. "Tickets for the swearing-in of President-elect are all provided through members of Congress, and the President-elect and Vice President-elect through the Presidential Inaugural Committee. We urge the public to view any offers of tickets for sale with great skepticism."
Find your very own representatives here.
Love,
Herbie of DC
P.S. Could I send you some pumpkins instead?
Dear Herb of DC:
I am desperate to go to an Inaugural Ball. I will do anything. A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G. Sexual favors, house cleaning for a year, dog sitting, limericks, free legal advice, etc. I see websites offering tickets now for outrageous sums to Inaugural Balls. Are these legit?
Sincerely
Pink Crocs in the Drive-Thru Lane
P.S. Did I mention that I would do ANYTHING?
Dear Pink:
Take a cold shower, chant "Yes We Can" and calm the heck down! The locations of the Official Inaugural Balls have not been announced. The Presidential Inaugural Committee (PIC), which hasn't even been established yet is responsible for all official balls and galas hosted in honor of the newly-elected President.
Be very cautious in purchasing these tickets online now unless you are purchasing tickets for one of the unofficial Inaugural balls and you can confirm the ball's existence. Exercise great restraint in purchasing tickets to a ball with a location of TBA, has a generic name like "Inaugural Ball" or has tickets that cannot be delivered yet. Those sound like a croc of a scam to me.
Fashionably Yours,
Herb of DC
P.S. Could you define "anything" in the form of a limerick? Oh wait, you did last week.
Dear Herb of DC:Okay Mr. Smarty, so what's the difference between an official and unofficial Inaugural Ball?Violating My Restraining Order,
Dave the Auditor
Dear Dave:That's easy, Dave. Barack twirling Chris Matthews Michelle around the dance floor. Joe and Jill Biden's J-Setting dance routine. These take place at the official balls. You will also see politicians, celebrities and people from all around the country celebrating this historic moment. You may also find overcrowding, uninspired food choices, long lines for coat checks and stout Swing State women wearing the best of The Quacker Factory. Ticket proceeds from these balls are used to offset the cost of the inauguration.
The unofficial balls are often more fun with better music and entertainment but there is only a remote chance that you will see some presidential star dust. Unofficial balls are hosted by state societies, veterans organizations, universities, Gay and Lesbian organizations and entertainment media. Celebrities, politicians and ordinary folk will be seen exchanging fist bumps and most likely be better dressed and better fed.
Unofficially Yours,
Herb of DC
Dear Dude of DC:
I had a dope sky Presidential Seal Beer Bong made especially for the Inaugural balls. Which ball venue will be the best for heavy dude partying?
Regards,
DC Hipster Prince
Dear Hipster:
Try Clinton's first Inaugural.
Party on,
Herb of DC
Dear Douche of DC:
But you still haven't told us how to get tickets to Inaugural Balls!
Getting Annoyed,
Doug in Las Felices
Dear DILF:
Okay, my friend here you go.
Start networking now! Do you have a relative in another state who is a party official or a big donor? That relative is now your favorite! Send homemade "Change Happened" cookies now! Have them start working their connections!
Call your own Senators and Representatives. Email anyone you know who worked on the Obama campaign. Continue making donations to the Democratic National Committee, State Parties or the Obama campaign. When The Presidential Inaugural Committee is formed contact individual members or any website they may set up. Don't forget to mention how you knocked on every door in Ohio, Pennsylvania or Florida until your knuckles bled.
Watch online for the unofficial balls as they open up. Buy your tickets now directly from the organizations (charging on a credit card for safety) and not through a ticket broker.
Do not pay cash for any of these tickets!
And if all else fails chill out and organize your own party.
Regards,
Herb of DC
P.S. Oh yeah the Inaugural Parade. Free bleacher seat tickets from your Representatives and Senators.
So...what are you inaugural plans?
Despite my supposed slavish devotion to farmers markets, I haven't done a local agriculture post in weeks! Each Saturday at 9:00 am I am at the 14th and U Farmers market where I pick up veggies, fruit, bread, phone numbers and other miscellaneous items. This week I was accompanied by Herb of DC Photography Intern Sasha Fierce to explore the sexy secrets of this market.
Here's the first secret: often the pumpkins are half price during the last hour. Buy one for carvin', one for lovin', and one for eatin'.
In ancient Rome chestnuts were once known as "Tree Oysters" and were thought to have male aphrodisiac effects. Buy the full crate! I don't judge, I just observe!
It is no secret that the cabbage is the least sexy vegetable. What do cole slaw, sauerkraut, kimchi, borscht, dolma, holishkes and "bubble and squeak" have in common? Right, cabbage! And flatulence!I bought 3 heads.
Oh look, it's Dave the auditor!
That nice Mrs. Peaches from Kuhn orchards always has some great recipes to be picked up along with the best fruit ever!
Apples are in full season and I got some sexy "Northern Spy" apples for a gingerbread cobbler.
Kuhn's Orchards Apple Gingerbread Cobbler
4 medium apples, sliced
1/2 cup firmly packed brown sugar
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
1 cup plus 3 tablespoons water
2 tablespoons cornstarch
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.Cook apples, sugar, lemon juice, cinnamon and 1 cup of water until apples are almost tender.
Combine 3 tablespoons water with cornstarch, stirring until all lumps are removed. Stir into apples and cook until thickened. Pour into an 8-inch baking dish. Add topping. Bake 35 minutes.
Topping
1/2 cup buttermilk
1/4 cup molasses
2 tablespoons oil
1 egg
3/4 cup granulated sugar
1 cup flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon ginger
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
Beat together the milk, molasses, oil, egg and sugar. Measure remaining ingredients into sifter and sift into egg mixture. Stir only until combined and pour over apple mixture.
The sexy secret? Molasses. Say it slowly Mooool aaases!
14th and U Farmers Market
Saturdays 9:00 am to 1:00 pm
This week at the market (from the 14th and U weekly email from Robin Shuster)
Dear 14&U Fans
We have a new producer: Hareg Messert of Chez Hareg Pastries will be bringing her classic French cookies, biscotti, pannetoni, pound cakes-- and in the future, her cakes and pies! Hareg grew up in Ethiopia and trained in French speaking Senegal before she became a pastry chef at the Ritz Carlton in DC..... so she has both Italian and French traditions! Plus she makes Vegan cookies as well. She has a charming bakery-cafe on 9th Street called Chez Hareg which has been written up in the Washingtonian several times. Lots of FREE SAMPLES.
Don't let rain keep you away from the market or from meeting our newest producer! ;-) Bring your umbrellas, stay under the tents and you will be dry and happy. The tents are filled with great produce, salads, greens, pastured meats, fruits, breads, flowers, sweets, cheeses, honey, ciders and.... Halloween pumpkins. Garner still has summer produce -- yea for those Northern Neck farms-
News:
Beef at Truck Patch
Brussels Sprouts and Romanesco cauiliflower-broccoli at Truck Patch
Collards and LOTS of Peppers at Garner
Scallions at Mountain View
Fall flavors at Dolcezza
Classic French cookies, Italian biscotti, pannetoni and pound cake at Chez Hareg.
Vegan cookies at Chez Hareg
PLUS ALL THOSE HALLOWEEN PUMPKINS.....
Faucher Flower's last week for the season.
Mountain View: Always Pesticide -free Salad greens, bok choi, Chinese Cabbage, Red and Green tomatoes (think fried green tomatoes!), kale, Swiss Chard, Turnips, Beets, arugula, sweet potatoes, potatoes, scallions, mustard greens and eggs!
Truck Patch now has BEEF: steaks, ground, roasts, chuck, brisket, hamburger patties, flank, Grass -fed and finished on their own choice of grass or grain Brussels sprouts, romanesco cauliflower, cabbage, arugula, kale, spinach, mesclun, radishes, tomatoes, last of the vine picked heirlooms, a few peppers, red and white potatoes, broccoli, savoy and green cabbage (yes, you can buy just a half!) and that weird cone-shaped Romaneco cauliflower-broccoli. Looks like an Arcimboldo painting of people made of vegetable faces. Very flavorful. (Scientist have been fighting over whether it is a broccoli or a cauliflower.) Plus their pastured pork of all cuts and sausages and bacon.
Dolcezza: MORE THAN JUST A SUMMER DESSERT Some of their sorbets are savory....and many people use them as appetizers or serve them between courses. The Lemon Opal Basil is a perfect palate cleanser! Last week I fell in love with both the Pear and the Pumpkin Cinnamon flavors. The first is just like biting into a perfectly ripe bartlett and the second was a slice of a rich pumpkin pie. (With the added benefit that it has MUCH less fat and many fewer calories).
Keswick: Their 100% Jersey cow milk makes delicious yogurt, chocolate pudding and both aged raw milk and fresh pasteurized cheeses. Cheddars, vermeers and other aged raw milk cheeses. Lots of feta, quark, ricotta, too. Try some of Keswick blue cheese with a hamburger or steak! My favorite yogurt. Blue cheese and pear, apples and cheddar are cheese and fruit marriages!
Kuhn: Honeycrisp, mutsu, gala, empire, jonathan, elstar, cortland, jonagold, northern spy, and other apples along with tomatoes, lots of winter squash (Please please please try the Italian butternut!) , pumpkins of all sizes, shapes and colors, honey, chestnuts, onions, sweet peppers ,a few red raspberries, asian pears and bartletts. Cider made from elstar, jonamac, honeycrisp, gala.
McCleaf: Their cider is excellent for drinking cold or hot with mulling spices for our ( cooler evenings or cooking. Apples, UV filtered and Pasteurized cider, kale, squash, okra, tomatoes, peppers.
Mountain View: Always Pesticide -free Salad greens, bok choi, Chinese Cabbage, Red and Green tomatoes (think fried green tomatoes!), kale, Swiss Chard, Turnips, Beets, arugula, sweet potatoes, potatoes, scallions, mustard greens and eggs!
Truck Patch now has BEEF: steaks, ground, roasts, chuck, brisket, hamburger patties, flank, Grass -fed and finished on their own choice of grass or grain Brussels sprouts, romanesco cauliflower, cabbage, arugula, kale, spinach, mesclun, radishes, tomatoes, last of the vine picked heirlooms, a few peppers, red and white potatoes, broccoli, savoy and green cabbage (yes, you can buy just a half!) and that weird cone-shaped Romaneco cauliflower-broccoli. Looks like an Arcimboldo painting of people made of vegetable faces. Very flavorful. (Scientist have been fighting over whether it is a broccoli or a cauliflower.) Plus their pastured pork of all cuts and sausages and bacon.
Dolcezza: MORE THAN JUST A SUMMER DESSERT Some of their sorbets are savory....and many people use them as appetizers or serve them between courses. The Lemon Opal Basil is a perfect palate cleanser! Last week I fell in love with both the Pear and the Pumpkin Cinnamon flavors. The first is just like biting into a perfectly ripe bartlett and the second was a slice of a rich pumpkin pie. (With the added benefit that it has MUCH less fat and many fewer calories).
Keswick: Their 100% Jersey cow milk makes delicious yogurt, chocolate pudding and both aged raw milk and fresh pasteurized cheeses. Cheddars, vermeers and other aged raw milk cheeses. Lots of feta, quark, ricotta, too. Try some of Keswick blue cheese with a hamburger or steak! My favorite yogurt. Blue cheese and pear, apples and cheddar are cheese and fruit marriages!
Kuhn: Honeycrisp, mutsu, gala, empire, jonathan, elstar, cortland, jonagold, northern spy, and other apples along with tomatoes, lots of winter squash (Please please please try the Italian butternut!) , pumpkins of all sizes, shapes and colors, honey, chestnuts, onions, sweet peppers ,a few red raspberries, asian pears and bartletts. Cider made from elstar, jonamac, honeycrisp, gala.
McCleaf: Their cider is excellent for drinking cold or hot with mulling spices for our ( cooler evenings or cooking. Apples, UV filtered and Pasteurized cider, kale, squash, okra, tomatoes, peppers.
Garner: COLLARDS! And purple and yellow peppers as well. . Plus beets, spinach, arugula, mustard greens, turnip greens, leaf lettuce, Swiss Chard, baby turnips, lots of winter squash ( acorn, butternut, spaghetti, carnival, pretty green kabocha, red kuri. Neck pumpkins look like an elongated butternut squash but they sure taste like pumpkins and make great pies. Eggplants, summer squash, green and yellow beans, potatoes, eggplant, sweet potatoes....AND LOTS OF PUMPKINS FOR YOUR HALLOWEEN PARTIES!
Faucher Flowers: Elaine's last week with us this season because all her flowers are field grown. Look for those spectacular Dahlias, Mexican Sage, Eucalyptus.
Breadline: Baguettes, cookies, croissants, multi grain and whole grain breads, muffins, scones, sour doughs,fig bars.
See you Saturday --RAIN OR SHINE.
Robin and Luke
