Thursday, January 18, 2007

Porn Stars and I Are for the Environment!

Like you, most porn stars and other ordinary Americans, I attended a house party and watched Al Gore's scary documentary "Inconvenient Truth."

Okay, that's a lie since I prefer not to leave my house unless its the type of party where there is really good food or one where the host is known for not doing a good job hiding the good liquor, pharmaceuticals, or past tax returns.

And really I am just including porn stars here since apparently visitors to blogs do not linger unless you have pictures of porn stars or are gossiping about other bloggers. Or at least that seems to be the case for the ones of speed readers of my blog.

But I did watch Gore give his PowerPoint presentation on Oprah one day and it scared the beejeebus out of me.

One of the 10 things he suggested you do is replace your light bulbs with those spiral light bulb
thingys. This will eliminate 150 pounds of carbon dioxide emissions each year. I'm not sure how it does that but if it was said on OPRAH, you know its true.

These light bulbs last 9 years and per the package, will save me $184 over 9 years. Based upon the inflation rate and my natural acumen for investments, this means I will lose about $5000 per bulb but each bulb will eliminate 150 pounds of carbon dioxide emissions each year! Oprah and Al said so!

My problem is, well how can I say this, these bulbs are fugly. I mean in a lamp they are okay, they are hidden by the shade unless you host parties where guests get drunk and put lampshades on their heads. However, I put some in the overhead recessed lighting and they just look really awful. Someone needs to invent a recessed lighting cover to hide these things. You can count me in for 50% of the royalties since it is my idea.

The light bulbs also put out a harsh white light. Really harsh. If Wal-Mart had a discount operating room, it would be bathed in this light. This morning when I looked at myself in the mirror my skin looked sallow, I had crow's feet, my eyes appeared bloodshot, I looked over 40 and the odd shadows it cast gave me the appearance of a pot belly.

On the positive side I am eliminating 150 pounds of carbon dioxide emissions per year per bulb. Oprah and Al said so. Oh and so did that porn star!

I feel good about this. Really.

1 comment:

Bob said...

Is that porn star living in your basement... along with all those drag queens from that club that closed in the early nineties? A dark and scary place... much like your heart. Yay!