Thursday, July 30, 2009

DC Jury Duty by the Numbers

Date: 7/30/2009

Arrival Time: 7:59 am

Number of times Jury Service deferral had been requested: 1

Juror's Office location: Room 3130

Number of potential Jurors seated in Juror's Lounge: 185

Number of men who exchanged cell phone numbers with Girl with Flower in Her Hair: 2

Men in shorts: 4

Men in muscle T shirts: 1

Women in flip flops: 12

Men in flip flops: 2

Male bloggers wearing a fashionable yet appropriate sweater vest and tie on a 90 degree day: 1

Men wearing baseball caps: 4

Women wearing hats: 0

Women dressed like Hillary Clinton: 28

Batman water bottles carried: 1

Number of men dressed Like Col. Sanders with the exception of one leg of the white pants tucked into his black sock: 1

Number of times the Clerk said "Good Morning!" at the beginning of the orientation before the crowd gave an acceptable enthusiastic reply: 3

Number of times Girl with Flower in Her Hair announced during orientation that the water was out in the Lady's room: 2

Number of times Girl with Flower in Her Hair announced during orientation that the water was out in the Men's room: 1

Number of people who wondered how she knew the status of the Men's room water supply: 182

Age of movie broadcast in Juror's Lounge: 14 years ("Sabrina" 1995)

Number of back issues of "Full Court Press" ("The Newsletter of the District of Columbia Courts!") available in the Juror's Lounge: 3

Number of back issues of "Full Court Press" using the term "southern Mesoamerica": 1

Jurors invited to the first panel in Room 311: 60

Lunch break start time: 1:00 pm

Lunch break end time: 2:30 pm

Number of men previously wearing a Muscle T who returned after lunch in a new outfit that was slightly more professional but still inappropriately form fitting for a man over 40 outside of an Abercrombie and Fitch store not that it was noticed or judged: 1

Length of time Juror 904 spent in Jurors box as a potential Juror: 9 minutes

Length of time Juror 904 made soon-to-be regrettable promises to his Higher Power: 9 minutes

Dismissal time: 3:45 pm

Juror pay: $4.00

Number of men Girl with Flower in Her Hair was last seen talking to on the Green Line: 3

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

The Georgetown Park Lie

Yes when I yelled into your crowded stall "Check my blog tomorrow for your picture" and waved my camera phone as I exited the 2nd floor Men's room I was lying. Both regular readers of this blog know I don't really know how to use my camera phone. However, this did get you to loudly zip up and later I saw both of you sprinting out of Georgetown Park Mall in opposite directions.

Really, there is no excuse for this behavior. This isn't 1977 and Georgetown Park is hardly Studio 54.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Zubaz Are Back!

Zubaz are back but did they ever really go away? I suspect I still have a vintage pair somewhere along with my old beat-up Doc Martens, pictures of me in my Rachel haircut and my pre-401 K investments in Beanie Babies.

As the ad says "Have you been wondering where you could get a new pair to match your lifestyle? Here they are."

To Zubaz! A toast! With Zima!

Thursday, July 23, 2009

When a Tree Falls in Shaw

Looking out my front door July 23, 2009 3:10 pm.

The 20 foot + tall crepe myrtle in full bloom was no match for the afternoon storm.

Was it lightning?

Photos: Roy Omar Alexander

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Who Doesn't Love Keyboard Cat?

Perez Hilton and Haley Joel Osment get played off!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Unisolating My Life with Skippy the Licensed Therapist

Recently during our weekly session Skippy the Licensed Therapist (STLT) suddenly looked up from his iPhone and said "You isolate yourself too much. This is the root cause of many of your problems. You will never fix your medical problems without also addressing this"

Herb: Huh?

STLT: To erase it you must face it.

Herb: You stole that from Suze Orman!

STLT: You need more funemployment.

Herb: That's Clark Howard!

STLT: Honey, time marches on and eventually you realize it is marchin' across your face.

Herb: Why are you channeling "Steel Magnolias"?

STLT: Fake it until you make it!

Herb: AA?

STLT: I'm sure when the autopsy comes, all hell's going to break loose. So, thank God we're celebrating him now.

Herb: That's from Liza. And we weren't even discussing Michael Jackson yet. Pay attention!

STLT: Your insurance only covers 8 more sessions this year.

Herb: OK, Gotcha!

So I am trying to unisolate which is very difficult when you have had 15 + years perfecting being a loner--admittedly the cute, nice kind of loner not the bitter, crazy type that shoots up Whole Foods when they are out of pecan crusted trout.

So last weekend I participated in the following unisolating activities:


JessiCub and I worked in my much neglected garden. And by worked I mean I pointed at the mounds of decaying dog poo and he picked them up while explaining his get rich plan that somehow includes Twitter, naked Bear Happy Hour and Tyra Banks.

14th and U Farmers Market

Okay I am there ever Saturday anyway but now I know that it is a medically prescribed procedure like green tea enemas. I lingered over the peaches and talked about the weather. Good practice! Apparently unisolated people like to talk about the weather a lot.


Some of the restaurants I order food from for delivery actually have an interior space where you can "dine in." Who knew? Sunday I went to Cafe Salsa on 14th St and I have to say it was wonderful! I believe we talked about the weather.

I plan on more unisolated activities soon. If you see me, please be gentle and only discuss the weather. Or organic enemas. I'm just a beginner!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

So Why Aren't Your Posts Showing Up On My Wall Anymore?

Cathy: So why aren't your posts showing up on my wall anymore Herb? Did you "hide" me?

Nope, Cathy. I've been taking a break from Facebook for about a month. No more Farmtown, endless self-indulgent quizzes or Michael Jackson mash up videos.

It's actually kinda nice, although really I have no excuse now for ignoring my blog. I do have more time to watch Operation Repo, the best fake reality show on TV.

This is their "Beat It" repo salute to Michael Jackson, I guess. Seems like I really can't escape him after all!

More Repo cast pictures...

Sunday, July 12, 2009

The Cab Ride

"Dupont Circle please" I told the driver as I climbed into his cab today.

"Where in Dupont?" he asked.

"Anywhere. I'll find it."

I don't recall much of the short trip from U Street and mostly was lost in thoughts about my 11:00 am meeting.

Arriving at the circle I handed him $6.00 for the $4.25 fare, giving him a five and a one.

He handed me the dollar bill back.

Not sure he understood I attempted to give him the dollar again and he silently waved it off.

This interchange dominated my thoughts today and I still ponder its meaning.

Maybe there is no meaning but that dollar bill is now on my refrigerator door and I see it each time I walk into the kitchen. I know I need to do something with it but for now it will remain there until I better understand.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Live Blogging the Michael Jackson Memorial Service

CNN's Anderson Cooper just said...or maybe we should just shut our eyes for a minute...


Monday, July 6, 2009

Happy Fur of July!

Aretha Franklin, the Queen of Soul in her fur trimmed outfit on the Mall for the PBS broadcast of A Capitol Fourth.

"R-E-S-P-E-C-T find out what I mean to mink."