Friday, January 5, 2007

I Am Not Your Whole Foods Bitch!

I love Whole Foods. I can't afford to shop there all the time but I like going there occasionally for cheese and meats.

As anyone with mild OCD knows, when in a grocery store you shop counter clockwise as God intended; otherwise your house might burn down. You must also go up and down each aisle you pass just in case something new has been added to the aisle. This also insures that your house doesn't burn down while you are away.

This week while I was shopping, at each intersection of the parallel aisles with the center aisle, I kept running into a rather tall, thin gentleman.

Each time I would smile, nod, make eye contact, say excuse me and give an embarrassed shrug and let him move forward. I'm from the Midwest dammit. We are a polite people. We aren't pushy. We sing in Barbershop Quartets.

After this happened for the 4th time I became mildly annoyed. Could he return the eye contact? Could he possibly admit the problem was that he was rushing down the center aisle and not paying attention? Does he not know or care about the counter clockwise rule?

I had one more run in with him in the organic pet food section. He gave me a sneer and a brief bit of eye contact. I believe he thinks he won.

Well good luck to you you typical Type A DC ass. Enjoy your heart attack before age 40.

I'd feel sorry about you returning to your cold, empty 14th St fake "loft" but it has probably burned down by now.



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