Friday, November 16, 2007

Conversations with My Fisher & Paykel Harem

My Dear Fisher & Paykel Appliances:

Oh my lovely dishdrawers! I loved you from the moment I saw you! Two drawers! No matronly Midwestern Whirlpool monogadishwasher for me! I will wash dishes using a minimum of water and power! I will be green! Clinching the deal was when the nice Bray and Scarff salesman asked if I was aware of the "party mode."

"Party mode?"

"Yes, when you are having a party, pop out the dish racks and fill the drawers with ice."

Although the last party I threw was somehow connected with the now long gone night club Tracks, this convinced me you were my eHarmony match in polygamist appliance heaven.

I will be green. I will be popular again. I will have dishdrawer three ways. I will always be in party mode.

However, in less than five months this is the second time you have abandoned me. The first time the helpful Bray and Scarff repairman said I had overloaded you. How is that possible? We haven't even had a party yet! Just quiet romantic dinners followed by a little one or two drawer action.

Regardless I started loading you with fewer dishes which means I have to run you more often. I don't think that is very green of you quite frankly.

After the most recent breakdown the repairman suggested I was using the wrong kind of soap. Since the dishwasher was starting to smell I had wiped down the inside of the drawers using liquid dish washing liquid. Through some kind of on-the-spot CSI analysis he assumed I had been using this soap when running the dish drawers.

"No. I only did this AFTER it broke down and started to smell."

Once again a circuit board was ordered and I await for you to be returned to my fading green household on Monday.

Joining the two of you in jilting me is your trollop sister--my Fisher & Paykel refrigerator. How I was seduced by your curves. How you fit perfectly in my non-standard size kitchen. How I loved the fact that you were a bottom mount.

But yesterday I noticed a little water in the mount of your bottom. By the morning it was clear, both the freezer and refrigerator sections weren't cooling. Were you jealous of the attention your tramp dish drawer sisters were getting? Did I overload you with love? Am I using the wrong kind of soap?

I feel sad right now because I still love all three of you. Please come back! Let's try to make this work!

I am fervently hoping that on Monday your love for me will be restored and my Fisher & Paykel harem will be complete again. It's unfair to ask the GE cooktop to do all the work on Thanksgiving. In the meantime I am off to get some paper plates and another bag of dry ice--five pounds at a time. I don't want to overload you.



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