Sunday, July 22, 2007

Bloody Harry Potter Plot Details Revealed During Mount Pleasant Rampage

July 21, 2007, the publishing debut of beloved children's author J.K. Rowling's funny and endearing "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows."

Spoiler Warning: True plot details may be leaked below? Or not...



A beautiful day shopping and reading J.K. Rowling's latest and sweetest fable in Mount Pleasant, Washington DC's first street car suburb. During its heyday, many Washington luminaries including actress Helen Hayes, Washington Senators' pitcher Walter Johnson, and US Senator Robert LaFollette made their homes in Mount Pleasant. Now one of the District's most ethnically diverse neighborhood, all gathered on Saturday to hysterically discuss Harry Potter's latest adventure.

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Professor Charity Burbage was the first to be offed and now sings with the angels and sleeps with the fishes.

(Click pictures to enlarge)



No shirts, No shoes, No Hedwig the owl! Done in by a Hava Nagila curse!


Voldermort opens Alastor Moody's Fortune Cookie. Uh oh! Kung Pao Moody. To go!


During the wedding reception for Sukey Tawdry and Bill Weasley, Voldemort takes over the Ministry of Magic. Harry, Ron and Hermione flee in the Imperial Flying Chair and take a three hour tour. A three hour tour!


Must find Mad-Eye Louie Miller's eye! Which way to go? Follow the clues to the Enchanted Mount Pleasant Farmers Market!!!


Voldermort hurls a bolt of lightening at Helga Hufflepuff and alas, she is no longer currant.


Tears for Muggle-born witches and wizards.


Bellatrix Lestrange knocked back a spoiled polyjuice potion and should be turning a lovely shade of blue by now.



Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginger Grant don the Invisibility Cloak



Neville Longbottom is topped by the Horcruxes and now pushes up daisies.



Death Eaters attack and dozens of Hogwarts run through the Valley of the Shadow of Death and check into Ranch Eternity. Do not disturb! RIP Lucy Brown, Severus Snape, Johnny Bravo, Colin Creevey and Mrs Beasley.



Ron is now living-challenged, thanks to Nagini and his Ukulele of Death.



The ripe and luscious Hermione takes one for the home team and flashes Saint Peter. Hogwarts Gone Wild!


In preparation for the final Battle of the Hogwarts Death Eaters, Witches, Wizards, Centaurs, Cirque Du Soleil, Voldermort, and Harry assemble for a Mixed Magic Arts Smack Down.


The carnage continues and finally Harry comes face to face with Voldermort in the Great Mansion. Voldermort strikes Harry with the Really Hot Flaming Hallows Curse of the Elders, badly burning the young wizard. He screams for Jenny Diver to fetch a bucket of magical water from the Kings Cross Wash House but she is too late and Harry's 15 minutes of flames comes to a merciful end.



THE END



CREDITS

Photos: JessiCub
Book: Books-A-Million

Characters: J.K. Rowling, Kurt Weill, Sherwood Schwartz
"Plot" Spoilers: Internets and cheap Vodka
Mount Pleasant: Itself
Mount Pleasant Farmers Market: El Mercado de los Agricatiores (Los Sabados 9-1)
Mount Pleasant Bathroom: Logan/U St Bathroom
Money Saved: $17.99 (plus shipping) Amazon.com

3 comments:

Bob said...

OMG! What a great post... thanks Herb, now I don't have to read the book! Errr.. well... having not read any of the previous HPBs... I probably wouldn't have read it anyway, but, I feel so informed now!

AO said...

hilarious...

Anonymous said...

LOL Jenny Diver