Monday, July 7, 2008

Martha Stewart's July 4th Eviction!

Dear Martha Stewart:

You know I admire you and think you are a marketing genius, but I finally had to evict you from my kitchen. I gave you a year but I never really liked your paint color, “Pumpkin Pie” that I painted it with. I really thought this deep earth tone would be a warm and rich color but frankly Martha Stewart, sometimes it didn’t look so much as earthy as it looked dirty. (There I did it: I used “Martha Stewart” and “dirty” in the same sentence. Let the perverted Google searches that bring Martha Stewart fetishists to my blog begin.)

Admittedly "Pumpkin Pie" looked good October-November but once Christmas season was upon us it was starting to look a little tired and stale. You taught us all how to make Birch-de Noel

but in the orange glow of my kitchen, it looked more like Rachael Rays Smoked Salmon Pizza.

February rolled around and while your TV show featured a "Tribute to the Red Carpet" at the Oscars, the only Oscar tribute my kitchen could muster was to actresses wearing orangey Spray-on-Tan

On St Patrick's Day you made Irish soda bread. It looked so warm and delicious in the dignified and restrained colors of your TV kitchen. In mine it looked like it was covered in Velveeta. Oh wait, Martha Stewart, you probably don’t know what Velveeta is. My bread had the glow of an orange prison jumpsuit butternut squash.

The 4th of July this year was a three day weekend and I knew it was time to finally quit you. I went to Lowes since it carries your brand and I ended up being part of a Lowes staff meeting being held in the paint department. It was very unsettling. Maybe you should speak to Mr. Lowes about this.

Wanting to go green I hoped to try your melons ("Rainwet Melon Patch" or "Westport Honey Dew") or your cans ("Green Tin" or "Gooseberry Preserves") but I had trouble concentrating on your wares. Maybe it was all those Lowes employees clapping and chanting next to your sample cards? There was a lot more room by Olympic Paints and that is why I went with the simply named "Green Grape.”

I have attached some pictures below. I think you will like this color and I feel that your brown transferware would look great displayed on the walls if you would like to send me some gratis to make up for my year held hostage by your pumpkins.


Herb of DC

2 comments: said...

That new color looks fabulous!

And I'm sure if you scatter a few well-placed pine cones around the house, Martha will forgive you.

Scenic Wheaton said...

Awesome color. Not quite the same shade of green as mine. I like to think that I started the green kitchen trend, but I think you beat me to it.