My Exotic, Erotic Blue Ribbon Entry for the DC State Fair!

I didn’t plan on growing the largest okra pod on 13th St—I originally bought my “Little Lucy” okra plant at the 14th and U Farmers Market solely for its burgundy foliage that I thought would look good in my Herbal Petting Garden that runs along my fence bordering 13th St.

I enjoyed the fantasy though of using "Little Lucy" along with the Herbs in my sidewalk garden as an educational tool and I pictured myself the new local ambassador of the Slow Food movement. Standing on the sidewalk in my overalls and simple battered hemp hat I would teach local children the life-enhancing benefits of food that is good, clean and fair. I would be the green Mr. Green Jeans, a crunchy Maria Von Trapp in simple gardening clogs and the vegan Mary Poppins all rolled into one.

How hard could it be to stop the little tykes strolling towards Taco Bell to take a few minutes to learn to appreciate how local organic farming preserves cultural cuisines and the associated plants, seeds, and domestic animals within an ecoregion? Afterwards we would sing a few rounds of “Old McDonald Had a Farm” and then retire to the kitchen for some pickling and vigorous butter churning.

The reality is that it is really hot standing on the sidewalk in the summer and the only food decisions the local children seem to care about involve supersizing. In addition, vicious urban mosquitoes the size of a quarter discourage any lingering in my garden so “Little Lucy” was ignored for a couple of weeks and I missed the prime harvesting size of three inches for the pods.

"Little Lucy" continued to grow.

And grow.

I walked out yesterday to inspect the garden and discovered "Little Lucy" was all grown up. Holy Cialis! No agricultural dysfunction here! "Little Lucy" was packing. "Little Lucy" was hung. "Little Lucy" was sporting some major wood. Nine inches and still growing! Instead of promoting a healthy vegan lifestyle I have a salute to sausage priapism. An all beef thermometer. A wrinkle beast. In my Herbal PETTING garden!

My dream of women stopping to show their children the earthly goodness of Community Supported Agriculture has become a nightmare of women shrieking and covering their children's eyes as they rush by. Men stop in their tracks, gawk and have the sudden urge to purchase large costly automobiles.

More than one person on my AIM Buddylist has tossed contact information over the fence.

I'm bitter that DC doesn't have a State Fair. Heck, I'd even take a County Fair. Ms. Holmes-Norton, forget Statehood! Think local. Think sustainable. Think County. I want my Blue Ribbon!

In the meantime "Little Lucy" continues to grow. Okra gone wild. On 13th St!