Saturday, April 5, 2008

Target Is a Hot Transportation Mess!

So do you think traffic is bad now in Columbia Heights? Do you feel like we now have our own little slice of Tysons Corner in CoHe with cars aimlessly circling as they attempt their urban assault on Target?

A Herb of DC Special Report!

Maybe I have found one of the reasons. I decided to follow the directions to the new DC USA Target from the Target website.

First I obediently head north on 16th St NW and turn right on Irving St. (little known fact: Irving Street is named after famed author Clifford Irving).

From Irving St I submissively followed the sign directing me to PARK and turn left on Hiatt Pl NW. Orginally Hiatt Place was the home of Hiatt Industries back in the golden age of Columbia Heights when it was was the center of the Handcuff Manufacturing Industry.

Proceeding ahead on Hiatt with the other lemmings I spot the sign directing me to turn right to PARK...

...which leads to a ramp that is still closed. Did the PARK signs really mean "You better circle back around and use the Park Rd entrance, sucker?" I fell for this cruel trick at the opening of Target on March 8 ALMOST A MONTH AGO. Okay, I am very gullible. Ask me to pull your finger. I will. Every time.

Couldn't someone at DC USA buy some poster board at Target or Staples and put up a sign directing traffic to the OPEN entrance on Park Rd? Would it be too much to ask that Bed, Bath, and Beyond kick in a sign to help guide visitors?

Following these directions results in the following meandering trip through the 20010:

1. North on 16th St
2. Right on Irving
3. Left on Hiatt
4. Left on Park (the road)
5. Left on 16th
6. Left on Irving
7. Left on 14th
8. Left on Park (the road)
9. Left into the DC USA garage to PARK

All these lefties reminds me of this story.

Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first.

"Al, what do you believe in?"

Al replies, "Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die."

God thinks for a second and says "Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left."

God then addresses Bill. "Bill, what do you believe in?"

Bill replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain."

God thinks for a second and says "Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right."

God then address Hillary. "Hillary, what do you believe in?"

"I believe you're in my chair."

Well I didn't quite complete the CoHe DC USA hokey-pokey. Crankily forging up 14th St I spot a fierce parking place right out front. Sweet! Life is good again! But really, DC USA. Let's end the Columbia Heights Merry-Go-Round parade. Don't make me carry my package of 12 paper towels on Metro!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I hope you're kidding about "CoHe"