Monday, August 25, 2008

It's Not You It's Your Blog I Am Breaking Up With. No, It IS You!

How do I break up with you? You were one of the first blogs I read with any regularity. I even Bookmarked you and moved you to the top of my Favorites list right between my primary Bank and my Credit Card servicer. I began every morning with my virtual ablutions to confirm I had not been the victim of identity theft and reaffirm my love for your blog and a good FICO score.

Before my discovery of RSS feeds I visited your site several times a day desperate for new content from you. You noticed my unique IP address, right? How could you not? All day I would press F5, F5, F5, F5, F5 in order to keep the pictures of you in my browser as fresh as my adoration of you.

I finally mustered up the courage to post a comment on your blog and for about a year I commented often. My comments were on topic, supportive, sometimes funny and usually within 3 minutes of you publishing. One day you even posted a comment on my blog.

I still have it.

It was the best birthday present ever!

But over time I started reading you less and less. I still think you are laugh-out-loud funny but I gradually started losing interest. I don’t know why. Maybe because it seemed like all your commentators also had blogs yet somehow knew each other in real time. You and your Blogroll members pass comments back and forth like electronic STDs. I felt left out of your Virtual High School and was hurt that my blog was relegated to sitting at the online cafeteria table with the Chess Club members and the Foreign Exchange students.

To torture me further you began posting pictures of your skanky blogger friends with you. I suspect there have even been some dirty blogger hookups. Is that what it takes to make your Blogroll now? How come no one comments on that? You used your blog to get laid. I used my blog to write about the proper time and place to shuck corn. I think I am the one who got shucked.

I would delete you from my Blogroll but I never added you to begin with. I didn’t think I was worthy but fantasized about the day you announced to your claque that you had added me to yours. Now I know that to appear on your Blogroll is just another way of you crowing about another notch on your Blogger dashboard, one more hit on your Sitemeter or another eHarmony match thoroughly harmonized.

You and your blog are dead to me! You are no longer Bookmarked and now nothing comes between my checking account and my VISA. My RSS Reader? Poof, you are gone!

Ok, maybe I will check your blog one last time tomorrow just to see if you respond to this...

9 comments:

Gilahi said...

Herb, Herb, Herb. I'm SO sorry. Things like this are always so difficult. I hope you were able to get alimony.

Anonymous said...

Who?

Bob said...

Gee Herb, that's an unhealthy obsession for someone who steals your content. No wonder she won't link you, or whatever it is you bloggers do, then everyone will know where she gets her ideas! You're much funnier anyway.

Bob said...

uh oh.... oops... looking over your blog I think I'm confused about which blogger you speak. Forget the last comment... heeheehe, you're still funnier.

Herb of DC said...

Bob please leave the Blog analysis to the professionals--you could get hurt.

LivitLuvit said...

It's like the Seinfeld where Jerry tried to break up with a man-friend. There's no established etiquette... I think it's up to you to outline it for all of us.

whatlizsaid.com said...

I'd totally ask for half.

Anonymous said...

I was hoping it would be Prince of Petworth for the sake of drama and blasphemy. You will be stoned if you do that, be warned.

Herb of DC said...

Anonymous:

Don't be stirring up trouble. I am a big fan of PoP.