Sunday, December 14, 2008

I Pick the Best and Worst of the Holiday Season!

The Best Santa Claus

The Santa Claus at Santa Claus Land from 1946-1984. (He always knew my name!)

The Worst Santa Claus

Best Christmas Album

"Twas the Night Before Christmas" (Fred Waring and the Pennsylvanians)

Worst Christmas Album

"Twas the Night Before Christmas" (Liberace)

The Worst Holiday Album (Photoshop edition)

Best Song

"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas"

Worst Song (Tie)

"The Christmas Shoes"

"Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer"

Best TV Special

"A Charlie Brown Christmas"

Worst TV Special

"Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer"

(Sorry but after being called "Hermey the elf" for years this is my bloggery chance for revenge. Plus that Abominable Snowman still scares me.)

Best Holiday Candy

Chocolate Covered Cherries

Worst Holiday Candy

Chocolate Covered Cherries

Best Childhood Christmas Memory

The year it snowed so hard in Southern Indiana that we were unable to drive to our grandparents house in Kentucky for Christmas dinner. Our neighbors hooked up their tractor (what your neighbors didn't have a tractor?) to our sleigh (what you didn't have your own sleigh?) and pulled all of us through the snow to their relatives house where their kids had really cool toys like Creepy Crawlers.

The Worst Childhood Christmas Memory

The year I went to see Santa Claus arrive by helicopter at a local mall in Indiana and the helicopter hit some power lines while landing and crashed killing Santa, thus traumatizing a generation of Hoosier children.

Best Holiday Movie Performance

Rosemary Clooney in "White Christmas." In a 2000 interview included on the DVD of the movie, the modest Ms. Clooney noted the fact that her co-star ex-Rockette Vera-Ellen ''couldn't sing. Her voice was dubbed. If they could have dubbed my dancing, now, we would have had a perfect picture.''

Worst Holiday Movie Performance

Philip Tonge playing Maureen O'Hara's high strung assistant Julian Shellhammer in "The Miracle on 34th St." His performance was greatly overshadowed by my sensitive and nuanced interpretation of the same role years later in high school.

Best Holiday Sweater

Worst Holiday Sweater

Worst Holiday Sweater in French

Best Present for Children 1996

The much in demand Tickle Me Elmo

Worst Present for Children 1997

The who cares any more Tickle Me Elmo

Best Present for Adults 2008

Your personal bail-out

The Worst Present for Adults 2008

Inflatable Bra Bath Pillow

..."For an inflatable storm in a C cup, rest your head on this lovely pair in the bath... Girls its a great Stocking filler idea for him this Christmas and surely abreast of any other ideas you may have..... "


Gilahi said...

I loved my Creepy Crawlers set. I spent hours making those little creatures and burning my hands because I couldn't wait for the little metal trays to cool.

Couldn't agree more on the chocolate-covered cherries. I could eat 'em 'til I'm sick, and it wouldn't take too many.

And surely, surely, surely, John Denver's "Daddy Don't Get Drunk This Christmas" deserves a spot in the Worst Song category.

lacochran said...

I want a Who Cares Any More Tickle Me Elmo! (with realistic neck snap)

Bob said...

Might I suggest the hairy pecs inflatable bath pillow... Xmas sweaters are awful, pastel Easter sweaters are much better- lol!

Katherine said...

I'm purchasing that pillow. For my couch. Right now.

LiLu said...

Between the Charlie Brown Christmas Special, A Christmas Story, and White Christmas, I am gonna be one happy xmas-special-watching lady this season.


Eric said...

That truly is the worst Santa ever. Very funny. I also think the tacky sweaters are hilarious. That guy actually looks happy wearing it.